Office etiquette

I always thought it would be a good idea to write about a book about this, because so many people are obviously unschooled in the subject. But....I am too busy, (read: lazy) so a quick post should suffice.
I work in an office which is probably very similar to most other offices in the world - cubicles, open plan, meetings rooms... etc. Working here day in and day out means that the smallest tiniest things tend to get on one's nerves.
Here are my top annoying things at work that actually have nothing to do with work itself.

1. People who talk on their phone, and their cellphone goes at the same time, and they don't silence it. And the ring tone is something annoying like The Final Countdown and it sticks in my head All Day.

2. The fax machine that doesn't have a "silent" tone when it's trying to send a fax. So you get that awful warble over and over if the fax line is engaged. It pierces my brain and haunts me at night.

3. People who need to be shown things eighty five times before they get it. Why don't you write the instructions down for god's sake????

4. People who use the lift to go up or down one floor. Are your legs painted on? Can you not SEE I'm in a hurry? When there are 39 floors in your building it can take a long time to get anywhere.

5. Last but not least, and this should have a post in itself. Loos. If a girl is on the loo, and she is not making a noise, she is obviously going twosies. A girl cannot go twosies if there is someone else in the bathroom. So, other girls, make yourself scarce. Do not stand in front of the mirror doing makeup, because she is going to have to sit there until you go. Which, if you are really vain, could take up to 15 minutes. Have a heart.