Thursday, 15 May 2008

The Uniqueness that is my Father

Having written about my father before and decided it was great material, I went to dinner at his place on Saturday anticpating further excellent blog fodder. And I wasn't disappointed.

Dad: This oven. These potatoes are taking forever! And last nights meatballs were the same! GRRR! BLOODY OVEN!!!
Me: You've got it turned to Grill, you big twat.

Dad: The English Patient. What was it about again?
Me (slightly in my cups) : *talks for 10 minutes about the English Patient ending with* and then all this shit went down.
Dad: And then all this shit went down. I'm sure Anthony Minghella would love to hear it described thus?

Me: Can we listen to your mixed tapes that accompanied all our car trips when we were kids?
Dad: *happily trundles off and puts one on*
Me: I can't believe we had to listen to Leonard Cohen. Most families have to endure the Wiggles.
Dad: But now you've got great taste in music!
Me: Touche.
Dad: Let's put on Godley and Creme - Cry.
Me: I love that song!
Dad's girlfriend: Can we listen to the Rose?
Us: *ignore*

Me: I'm going to do our family tree. Who were Grandpa's parents?
Dad: ....
Me: did Grandpa spell his name? Alasta-i-r? or Alist-e-r?
Dad: .....
Me: Should I be asking Grandma? (who is 92 and sometimes thinks I'm her daughter)
Dad: Yes.

Me: Did you know that you have sunscreen in your bathroom cupboard that expired in 1997?
Dad: I don’t use sunscreen. I have natural oils that protect me (Dad comes from Scottish heritage).
Me: No wonder I’m addicted to tanning. It’s your fault if I get a melanoma.
Dad: *shrug*

Me: Did you get the Sunday paper?
Dad: No. I already know most of what’s in there, and everything else isn’t worth knowing.

Vintage Dad. It was fun.

Friday, 9 May 2008

Things I thought about on my sunbed today

1:00pm. God this is nice. So rainy and yuk outside.
1:01pm. Survivor Micronesia: who's going to take it out? I'm betting on Parvati. I think the final two will be her and Eric, and Eric has crossed too many people to win. James...he was one built speciman. I felt really bad when they voted that he was most unlikely to be invited to a family dinner. I'd invite him....and get him to do some much needed heavy lifting around the house.
1:10pm. Have I really just been thinking about Survivor for 10 minutes? I am sad.
1:11pm. How could Jen make her kids tidy their rooms? What did Mum make me do? I think she just said if you don't, you can't go play at Natalie's house today. But funnily enough, I can't recall ever tidying, and I can recall playing at Natalie's lots. I have a feeling she bit the bullet and did it herself. Sorry Jen.
1:15pm. I feel bad that Antonia is trying to make friends in her baby group when if all the people there just knew how hilarious and awesome she was they would all be falling over themselves to hang out with her and drink tea. Must suggest to her to hand out a card with her website on it. Guaranteed buddies.
1:20pm. Realise I am a true child of pop culture, using my relaxation time to think about blogs and reality TV.
1:22pm. Dreading going back to the office and having to listen to my co-worker discuss the weather for 10 minutes, and how cold it may or may not be, and ask everyone in the room if it's cold, before venturing outside for lunch. We have floor to ceiling windows which funnily enough, I use to judge the weather from WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE and what pedestrians wandering past are wearing. Try it. And shut up.
1:25pm. Oof. It's getting rather warm in here and my back is all squidgy. I'm kinda wishing the beeps would happen....
1:26pm. Damn beeps.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Warning: medical content may disturb

Poor old Bazzy. Over the weekend I’d noticed he’d been in the wars from rumbling with the neighbourhood cats. I think they don’t like him because he’s black.
Yesterday I get home from work and notice his wee face is all lopsided. On closer inspection, I see that the whole of one side of his face is swollen with the world’s grossest abscess. It’s stretched his skin so tight that I can almost see the ooze gurgling around inside.
Frantically calling all the vets (they’re all closed) I watch Basil like he’s a landmine. He doesn’t seem fazed, although is not keen on eating. Hardly surprising when most of your face is swimming in pus. He chases flies and jumps onto the couch and rubs against my legs but only on his good side. I have an Uncontrollable, Irresistable urge to stick a pin in it. The emergency vet I called said, don’t play with it. I poke it a bit. Basil leaps away. I put towels and sheets on all his favourite sleeping places and shut him out of my room. Of course when I get up in the morning he’s sleeping on the one place I didn’t put a sheet on but thankfully, it hasn’t popped. In fact, it’s twice the size. Basil now looks like a bulldog who’s chewing on a massive wad of tobacco. Or, the Elephant Man. I notice the abscess has developed a small leak and is oozing down his face. Gagging quietly, I stuff him into his cat cage and we pootle off to the vet, Basil questioning why the whole way. The vet goes, oooh that’s a good one! Normally they pop before they get this big! I feel proud. Then the vet ruins my day by saying he’s going to have to keep Basil in and drain it later on. But I want to seeeeeee! Repressing my urge to ask him to take photos I leave Basil whingeing in his cage and head off to work. Poor little guy. I pick him up at lunchtime so will let you know how he is.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008


Here are the rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Done.
2. Each player answers the questions about her or himself. Done.
3. At the end of the post, tag 5-6 people and post their names, then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Because my blog is read by lovely lurkers, except for Jen (hi Jen!) I don’t know anyone to tag. Maybe I’ll tag Dooce. She’ll respond huh?
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer. She’ll know when she reads it!

#1 — What was I doing ten years ago?
10 years ago was my first year at University in Dunedin. I was more than likely busy with smoking a cigarette, watching after-school telly and defrosting chicken on the heater.

#2 — What are five things on my “to do” list today?
1)Give the spare room another coat of paint. Red paint is scary people. It is impossible to get right. Painting rather reminds me of learning to do manicures in beauty therapy school. We always had to do red because it was the hardest to get right. We then strutted around Christchurch in our sack-uniforms with over-waxed eyebrows, panda-tinted eyelashes and stuck-pig fingernails. Mmm.
2)Wash my hair.
3) Make lamb chops for dinner. YUM!
4) Get to bed early and don’t stay up so late reading Graham Norton’s susprisingly addictive autobiography.
5) Call my Mum.

#3 — Snacks I enjoy:
Bhuja mix. But it’s bad for me so I enjoy it on a hardly-ever basis. Rice crackers and muesli bars are my work staple, but if we’re talking pre-dinner snacks then cracked pepper pate on water crackers or toast is my Numero Uno. Or blue cheese with quince paste. Cashew nuts. Salt and vinegar crisps. Stop me now.

#4 — Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Quit my job, pay my mortgage, pay my sister’s mortgage etc. All the usual. Buy a ridiculously cool car. Dodge Viper or that one that Simon Cowell drives around would do. I think it’s a Bugatti.
I would open a super cool cattery/ cat shelter/ animal hospital and I would play with them all day.
Give a lot of money to struggling University students, but only if they pass.
Have a LOT of liposuction but no face stuff….I think your features make who you are as a person. Get my hair blowdried every day. I NEVER touch my hair. I hardly even brush it. Gross huh?
I can’t really think of anything else. I’m easily pleased.

#5: Places I have lived:
Napier NZ, Windermere UK, Dunedin NZ, Christchurch NZ, Perth AUS, Wellington NZ, Auckland NZ, Tauranga NZ. I’m trying to live in every NZ city before I kick it. Next on my list – Eketahuna!

#6 — Bad Habits:
Laziness. I always leave stuff until tomorrow.
Lack of empathy – I couldn’t care less about those that are “hard done by”. I believe that everyone makes their own fate. If something goes wrong with me it’s my else’s. Not really a bad habit but it’s hugely socially unacceptable to admit to.
Gluttony – I love food too much.

#7: Jobs I have had :
Fruit picker. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t last long. Shop assistant in a jewellers. Beauty therapist. Law firm receptionist. Law firm accounts clerk. PA to Director of Architecture Company. PA to Sharebrokers. And now…….Advisor Platform System Administrator at a Sharebroking firm! I know…I love my job title too.

#8 — Peeps I want to know more about (or at least peeps I think may be interested in responding): All of you! Or, just say Hello.

Monday, 5 May 2008

Painting - it's the new black

So the house is slowly getting there...very slowly in fact.....I have done the hallway and 99% done the office. What was awesome about the office was that once I did the wooden trim, I pulled the masking tape off the wall and took heaps of brand new paint with it! I swore lots!
Have started on the spare room which is going to be bright red, or Resene Hot Chile if you're interested. We did one coat on Saturday and it already looks super cool, but it's mega streaky. I'm hoping that another coat will even everything out.
Poor old Basil doesn't know what's going on, what with me screaming at him every time he goes near the freshly painted wall, and him having to tip-toe daintily over piles of brushes, plastic drop sheets and open paint tins.
Speaking of Baz he's been in the wars lately. We were having a lovely snooze last night when I heard a scritching at the cat door. Hm Basil's coming in I thought. Then I felt him leap off the bed and go a-chasing. That's right, the neighbourhood cats have discovered that there's bikkies on tap at Amy's house, and have started using the cat door like it's their own. Now Basil is not, at the best of times, a Tough Cat, but he's obviously been holding his own. He has a big gouge out of his face above his eye, and I can feel healing scabs all over his back. It makes me feel sad that I can't protect him. I rinsed out his face with warm salty water which he loved and yesterday he even lay on me while I watched telly, which he NEVER does. So hopefully he'll heal quickly and be happy again. If I ever catch the cat that did that to him it will be getting a big kick up the bum, but so far, I haven't seen any hanging around the house.
But anyway. More painting to do this week - will finish the spare room - what's gross about red paint is that is seriously looks like congealed blood. Thankfully all my other colours are pretty neutral. I can't wait till it's all done.
In other news we had Amelie's first birthday party the other weekend. The littlest one was happy to show off her new mad walking skillz - she did 7 steps! And I did lots of cooking. It was a lunch and lots of people were coming and going, so we just had rolls and cold cuts. I got the most awesome cube roll of beef from the butcher and seared it, then cooked it at 170 for about 75 minutes. I poured over melted honey, mustard and garlic with a little red wine and it was perfect for the buns. Amelie even ate some which pleased her Mum, who stresses out a fair bit that she doesn't get enough iron. What have some of you out there done to make sure your toddler gets their iron needs?
Moving right along, our trip to Fiji is only 19 days away. I have been sunbedding and exfoliating, because the last time we went on a family holiday somewhere hot (Malaysia) I got totally fried on the first day and looked like I'd run away from an institute for serious and contagious skin diseases. It made for really pretty photos.
Oh yes, I watched Running with Scissors in the weekend, which I have been meaning to see for ages, since Augusten is one of my heroes. His new book is out, and I read the chapter extract which is so horrible I almost dithered whether to buy it or not. But I know that I will, but maybe not for holiday reading. I think for that I'm going to get Dooce's book (no need to link!!) or AJ Jacobs, the Year of Living Biblically. I just finished his "The Know It All" and it was perfect. He's now my friend on Facebook.
Forgot to say that R with S was not that great with Gwyneth Paltrow absolutely fucking awful in the role, Annette Bening however was wonderful. Of course, nothing is ever better than the book, notable exception The Notebook.
Finally to the weather, you Northerners will be happy to know that it was farking freezing here in the weekend and there is now snow on the hills. I wore my jacket to work for the first time today and had the heater on all day yesterday. Summer - it's been great. Please return early like you did last year. Thanks.