Friday, 31 July 2009

Family Guy on You Tube.

“....was there really a movie called Mannequin?”
“It’s manne-kin.”
“Dude, it’s manna-qwin.”
“Manna-kin. It’s French.”
“Why do they use Q-U then? Instead of k?”
“Nobody says QWEEN...oh hang on.”

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Different strokes for different folks

So yesterday my colleague and I were driving back from a meeting, and were shooting the shit as usual. Somehow we get onto the topic of weird things we missed doing as kids. I should point out here that my colleague's childhood was spent in the Solomon Islands.
So I'm telling him about how we used to go docking up at various farms around Hawkes Bay. He doesn't know what docking is. So I explain how all the cute little lambies have to go down a chute, meeting a hot pair of scissors at the end to lop off their tails, and if they're a boy, have their nuts squeezed off too. I tell him how us kids would be running around collecting all the tails and chasing lambs and contributing to the general mayhem.
Part of this yearly ritual was to then build a small fire and roast the lambs tails on it. The smell was disgusting....burnt hair and melting fat. For those of you who don't know, a lambs tails is basically a strip of cartilage surrounded by fat and wool. The taste, after a long day stomping around in gumboots in the cold spring air? Nectar of the Gods.
After I finish happily recounting this story, I realise my colleague is looking at me with horror. It turns out that to him, this is really gross and weird.
So he comes out with a story of his own.
When a melon tree is ripening, it attracts fruit bats, who will roost in their hundreds on the tree. Hurl a stone at the tree somewhere, he says, and you're guaranteed one dead bat. Roast it over the fire - manna from heaven.
It's my turn to be horrified. What about the rabies? These bats don't carry rabies. What about the awful leathery wings? Oooh, that's the best part. Like eating a chicken wing!
Barf. What culinary delights do you remember from childhood that you can share?

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Winter whinges

It’s so cold right now that.....

.....I put a hot water bottle under Basil’s blanket on his chair. Rolled eyes from Richard.
.....I’ve stopped shaving my legs to get extra warmth.
.....I can see my breath when I’m lying in bed.
.....Meat defrosts faster if I put it in the fridge instead of on the bench.
.....I prefer being at work, because of the central heating.
.....I haven’t seen my body for days, apart from brief glimpses when I dart from dressing gown to steamy shower and back again
.....the fireplace is judged, poked, fed, watched over and hugged, all to obtain maximum hotness.
.....the three of us take up 50% of the bed due to the amount of burrowing into each other.
.....I count it as a warm day if I’m only wearing 3 layers UNDER the actual outfit.

It’s really cold.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

All my ladies

In the last couple of weeks I've been contributing to a friend's new beauty website, My background in Beauty Therapy and general obsession with all things makeup have helped me here, and I love writing for it.
In saying that, we're always looking for new topics to write about, so if you want to know about something, let me know!