Monday, 18 May 2009


There is nothing worse than shopping for Summer clothes when you’re well settled in to the Winter groove. My body has got used to hiding itself under wraps, stockings and big poofy jackets. So today when I tried on a cute 60’s style scoop neck, sleeveless dark orange mini dress, the sight of my cottage cheese upper arms and roly-dog knees meant that a 2 second “YUCK!” to the mirror was all I needed to whip it off.

Unfortunately I’m going to have to keep persevering because people, I am going overseas. Now when you live in New Zealand, it’s pretty easy to head overseas. Going to the South island is “overseas” in the literal sense....a 3 hour flight to Melbourne involves the full customs rigmarole. But I am going overseeeeeas....the entire Pacific Ocean to be exact. Then I’m flying over the bottom half of North America. Then it’s over the edge of the Atlantic to.....are you ready.....are you sitting down.....THE BAHAMAS.

My workplace is sending me – and a couple of other staff members – to the Bahamas. I found this out in my second week of work. Other people are jealous. Reason we’re going is for this enormous large world meeting thing that I won’t bore you with. But basically – it’s 5 days in the SUN!

To most people in New Zealand, the Bahamas is this mythical place featured in cheesy 80’s movies where everyone drinks cocktails from coconuts and wears high-cut one-piece togs with sun visors. It’s so difficult to get to – and so similar to the Pacific Islands which are not – that I can count on one hand the people I know that have been there. My parents are among them. They stayed there a couple of years ago at this insanely awesome hotel...called It’s like a textbook resort that has everything you could possibly want...but multiplied by ninety. It’s huge. Imagine my shock when my boss’ll be staying at the Atlantis. There are TWENTY-EIGHT restaurants. One is UNDER WATER. There are STINGRAYS and DOLPHINS and LOTS OF THINGS IN THE SHOPS THAT I CAN’T AFFORD.

Now I know I’ll be chasing people around and finding band-aids and currency converters and phone cards and dealing with men on a working holiday with a skinful of alcohol with no wives to chaperone them – but if I get half an hour – just half an hour on that beach with one coconut cocktail – I’ll be happy. Hell, I’m going to be happy to be somewhere that isn’t cold, wet, rainy and MISERABLE. (It’s actually quite warm and sunny today but I’m building up the juxtaposition).

The best thing about this trip to me is the flight. I can’t stand flying usually – when it’s a one hour trip between Dunedin and Wellington and it’s windy as fuck and the plane is bouncing around and my tepid cup of weak tea in a polystyrene cup that I can take home if I want! is threatening to fall in my lap and my stomach is trying to work its way out of my pores and the person next to me has a fleeting memory of soap and low-fat food. To me, that is my personal hell. On a tangent, Rich and I went to Auckland Museum in the weekend. For some reason, there was a big Perspex box full of cockroaches. I looked at it, shuddering, then commented to some old dude that it was my personal hell, right there in that box. He looked at me, and then laughed. His wife came over, said something in German, then he said to her “She said that is her personal hell,” in German. I think. It sounded cooler in German. Or he said “this girl thinks I’m English.” Anyhoo. This flight to the Bahamas will have all the bells and whistles. I may – just may – get to fly Business Class, thanks to a nifty deal with airpoints, travel agents who like me and the recession, meaning many, many empty seats on planes. Luxuriousness....ah.

One thing I’m not looking forward to is LAX. Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – has a horror story about this place. So am taking a full change of clothes on the plane in case my suitcase does a detour via Timbuktu. (Did you know this is a real place? On the border of the Sahara desert? I only found this out a few years ago. I wonder if people from Timbuktu use Auckland in a similar sense).

Anyhoo I’m off in 8 days. The timetables have changed so much regarding our travel that I’ve been afraid to start packing just in case I jinx it. But it’s too late now....the camera batteries are charging...the MP3 player is stocked (anyone got any new favourite tunes? I have an iTunes mind blank)...the legs are being waxed.

Will be Twittering while I’m away so follow me there – click the link to the right!

1 comment:

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Fabulous! Can't wait to hear all about it.