The year that was

Depresssion is a funny thing. It's like this black prickly cloud that hangs over you, stopping anything fun and nice getting through, instead enveloping you in a big ball of Blah.
Hence yesterday, when I thought about doing a year-end wrap up, all I could think of was, wow, this is the first Christmas that I can remember that I have been single. WHAT A SHIT YEAR.

Then the drugs must have kicked in, and suddenly I noticed a photo of Amelie on my fridge. Oh yeah that's right. A little person that I love unconditionally is now in my life, and smiles at me all the time. The relationship I have with my sister and her husband is so lovely and I have them moving 3 minutes drive away from me to look forward to.

I also cast my eye around where I was, which was In My Own Home, a home that if you had asked me what my dream home was, would have matched pretty well. Except it's not in France. But hey.

Basil came running up and brushed against my legs and I thought oh yes, I also have this precious black ball of fur who follows me everywhere and loved prancing all over the garden doing the butt wiggle every time he sees a bird. I can't imagine my home without him.

I looked at the spare room and thought in a week I'll have my Mum and Step-dad staying, who have given me so much this year, and I can finally give something back.

So while 2007 has had plenty of downs, there are also plenty of ups, and the sick thing about depression is that they tend to get lost among the downs. Sometimes I need a good kick in the pants to remember just what I do have.

Green thumbs

Here is a list of things I have in my garden:

• A plum tree


• A tamarillo tree


• A feijoa bush


• A walnut tree


• A tree that is about to fruit, but with what, I don't know. Could be a pear, but I'm thinking apple


• A lemon tree


• A mandarin tree


• A raspberry bush

Here is a list of things I have in my veggie garden

• Sage, thyme, tarragon, dill, rosemary, basil


• Spinach


• Cherry tomatoes


• Proper tomatoes


• Strawberries


• Cucumbers

I have discovered that I love gardening. I spend most of my waking hours in there, weeding, pruning, planting. Basil follows me around and pounces on flies and spiders, climbing trees and rolling in the grass. I picked the first ripe plums off the tree this morning and brought them into work to share. The cherry tomatoes should be next, I am going to be inundated with those.

If anyone has any tomato chutney or plum sauce recipes, feel free to share!

My favourite place to be.

Ghosts of Christmases past

A switch finally went on in my brain today that it was nearly Christmas time, probably from reading Jen's gorgeous tree-buying post, and I am feeling that old happiness that comes from planning some delicious meal for my family, and buying lots of fun presents.
Our Christmas has changed somewhat over the years, being a very extended family and now with grandkids into the bargain, we have got a lot less formal.
When we were kids, my sister and I were like any other kids and equated Santa's arrival with the Second Coming, if we had been religious. We fought over the advent calendar, decorated the tree with popcorn strands (and ate it slowly over the weeks, even when it was the texture of polystyrene balls) worked out what Every Single Present under the tree was before the big day, even the ones that weren't for us, and I learnt to play Christmas Carols on the piano, so we could all stand around and sing them. We actually did that one Christmas, how chocolate-boxey is that? Kinda cute though.
One memorable Christmas Day when I was about 5 and Megan 7, we somehow woke up at about 4am, and went downstairs. The tree was a snowdrift of presents, and we briskly set about opening them all. You see, we were of the age that still believed in Santa, and we were dying to see what he left us. Turned out a Swingball set was under there, and I remember barrelling upstairs after a while screaming "MUM! DAD! Santa brought us SWINGBALL!" Our parents were thrilled, and every Christmas after that, our presents were hidden under lock and key and guard dog, until we had gone to bed on Christmas Eve. They would block our doors so we couldn't get out. I kid you not.
Our parents were great sleeper-inners, and forbade us to go downstairs before 7:30. One Christmas Day, we had the great idea of timetabling our morning ablutions to begin at 7:00, meaning that the last half hour would be nicely spaced out so we didn't have to wait. The timetable looked something like this:

• 7:00 am Wake up.
• 7:02 am Get out of bed
• 7:04 am Go to bathroom etc.

Of course we got through brushing our teeth and hair and putting our fancy smocked dresses on by 7:05, and spent 25 fidgety minutes on the bed before getting the okay and burning down the stairs for our Stockings.

After stockings the parents would drag themselves up, and we'd have croissants and OJ on the deck, then it would be the good stuff. My sister and I got so many presents it's almost embarrassing, and we would lie them out in the order we were going to open them. I remember some opening marathons that lasted about 3 days, but maybe I am exaggerating. Dad would always fall asleep on the couch, and I would have finished my box of Roses chocolates and be complaining of tummy ache.

Phone calls would then be made and dutiful thankyous said to the grandparents, then it was PLAYTIME while Mum got the pork roast on and the table set. We had all the trimmings and the flash set of china out, and we'd even be allowed a little bit of champagne. Afterwards Dad would fall asleep again and we'd play more, then be hungry again by 6.

I remember these days as some of the happiest in my childhood, which is probably why I still love to really make an effort at Christmas. This year we are having it at my step-sisters, because her house is the only one big enough to hold us all, and we're going to have a couple of boned legs of lamb on the BBQ and lots of crayfish and champagne. I won't be getting a stocking in the morning and I'll be doing most of the cooking myself, but the family love and laughter will be there and I Can't Wait.