Rural backwaters

Tauranga is a great city. It's big enough to feel important, small enough to know every corner of it, and has great infrastructure. Supermarkets are never too busy, carparking is ample, but where it comes into its own is the roads.

Auckland traffic is the one thing the whole country agrees on. It's awful. Bad drivers, not enough parks, etc. Getting to work meant I swore black and blue before 8am.

It takes me 3 minutes to get to work here. Hilariously, they have a traffic report every 15 minutes. This is how it goes, verbatim.

"Cameron Road is clear. 10th Avenue intersection flowing nicely. Chapel Street also clear. AVOID THE BAYFAIR ROUNDABOUT AT ALL COSTS - there's a 2-car tail back. If you can't avoid it, add an extra 30 seconds onto your ETA."

It's brilliant.

This appealed to my sense of humour

This is the front page of the Solomon Star newspaper, from the Solomon Islands, which are over by Papua New Guinea, which is above Australia...which is in the Southern Hemisphere.

Family Guy on You Tube.

“....was there really a movie called Mannequin?”
“It’s manne-kin.”
“Manna-qwin!”
“Manna-kin!”
“Dude, it’s manna-qwin.”
“Manna-kin. It’s French.”
“Why do they use Q-U then? Instead of k?”
“Nobody says QWEEN...oh hang on.”

Winter whinges

It’s so cold right now that.....

.....I put a hot water bottle under Basil’s blanket on his chair. Rolled eyes from Richard.
.....I’ve stopped shaving my legs to get extra warmth.
.....I can see my breath when I’m lying in bed.
.....Meat defrosts faster if I put it in the fridge instead of on the bench.
.....I prefer being at work, because of the central heating.
.....I haven’t seen my body for days, apart from brief glimpses when I dart from dressing gown to steamy shower and back again
.....the fireplace is judged, poked, fed, watched over and hugged, all to obtain maximum hotness.
.....the three of us take up 50% of the bed due to the amount of burrowing into each other.
.....I count it as a warm day if I’m only wearing 3 layers UNDER the actual outfit.

It’s really cold.

All my ladies

In the last couple of weeks I've been contributing to a friend's new beauty website, www.beautygoss.com. My background in Beauty Therapy and general obsession with all things makeup have helped me here, and I love writing for it.
In saying that, we're always looking for new topics to write about, so if you want to know about something, let me know!

Work shenanigans

We have a “vice” jar in our office, which I share with my 2 male colleagues. Unfortunately, I have a terrible habit of burping. I know. It’s disgusting. However I don’t even realise I’m doing it. One day I was having a go at Colleague 1 for sniffing. He suddenly burst out “but you BURP!!” My gob was smacked. So I came up with the Vice jar....me for burping, Colleague 1 for every type of noisy bodily function (every fart is announced and discussed), and Colleague 2 for the same, even though he is far too polite to even raise his voice.
Colleague 1 and I have managed to donate to the jar the healthy amount of $11.50 between us. I still have no control over my burps, and well, he just likes to fart.
We counted the jar today, amid squabbles of the ethics of foreign currency (10c coins from the Solomon Islands DO NOT COUNT) and the fact that you must use any loose change you have (goddam the New Zealand Mint who decided to make $2 coins). Colleague 2 is, as usual, quiet amidst the bedlam, then pipes up. “You guys. Here’s 50 cents. I feel left out.”

Some advice

When you're singing along to the stereo really loudly in the gym changing rooms, making sure we're impressed you know all the words, you should probably pick a song that isn't Hootie and the Blowfish.

Breeding

Excellent news.

This little monkey....

.... is going to get a baby brother or sister come March. *snoopy dance*!

Mother Goose for the Millenium

Every night when I get home, a few kids from around the street are playing on the neighbour’s trampoline, in their pyjamas and slippers.
They’re about 10, 8 and 6, and although they have all sorts of games involving the two elder boys double-bouncing the younger, I’ve never heard any of them get hurt.
Last night I was cooking tea with the front door open to let the frying onion smell escape, and was having a sly eavesdrop of their hilarious conversations.
“Jack loves Dayna!”
“DO NOT!!”
“Do TOO!”
“It’s my turn….let me have a go…” this from the littlest one.
“Jack and Dayna up a tree….K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”.
There are sounds of wrestling.
“Jack and Dayna went up the hill to fetch a bottle of water. Don’t know what they did up there but now they’ve got a daughter!”
There is a silence, then the little one bursts into squeals of laughter. I am giggling, not only because they’re repeating the exact same songs we used to sing as kids, but also because in this modern age, a pail has become a bottle.
“Jack and Dayna went up the hill to fetch a bottle of water. Don’t know what they did up there but now they’ve got a daughter!!”
There is so much hysterical laughter that I can’t help it and laugh with them.
A tiny voice pipes up. “Jack and Dayna went up the hill to fetch a bottle of water…Jack fell down and broke….got a daughter?”
“That’s not how it goes, dumbass.” DOUBLE-BOUNCE.

Things I thought about on my sunbed today

1:00pm. God this is nice. So rainy and yuk outside.
1:01pm. Survivor Micronesia: who's going to take it out? I'm betting on Parvati. I think the final two will be her and Eric, and Eric has crossed too many people to win. James...he was one built speciman. I felt really bad when they voted that he was most unlikely to be invited to a family dinner. I'd invite him....and get him to do some much needed heavy lifting around the house.
1:10pm. Have I really just been thinking about Survivor for 10 minutes? I am sad.
1:11pm. How could Jen make her kids tidy their rooms? What did Mum make me do? I think she just said if you don't, you can't go play at Natalie's house today. But funnily enough, I can't recall ever tidying, and I can recall playing at Natalie's lots. I have a feeling she bit the bullet and did it herself. Sorry Jen.
1:15pm. I feel bad that Antonia is trying to make friends in her baby group when if all the people there just knew how hilarious and awesome she was they would all be falling over themselves to hang out with her and drink tea. Must suggest to her to hand out a card with her website on it. Guaranteed buddies.
1:20pm. Realise I am a true child of pop culture, using my relaxation time to think about blogs and reality TV.
1:22pm. Dreading going back to the office and having to listen to my co-worker discuss the weather for 10 minutes, and how cold it may or may not be, and ask everyone in the room if it's cold, before venturing outside for lunch. We have floor to ceiling windows which funnily enough, I use to judge the weather from WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE and what pedestrians wandering past are wearing. Try it. And shut up.
1:25pm. Oof. It's getting rather warm in here and my back is all squidgy. I'm kinda wishing the beeps would happen....
1:26pm. Damn beeps.

Two halves of a whole

I'm not sure why, but the tragedy of Mark Speight's death has really hit me hard. Maybe it's because it says something about how although your family and friends can be there for you, and you can be in therapy, sometimes things happen that are just so awful you can't deal with life any longer.
I cannot imagine what was going through his mind every day, just as I shudder to think of the sick horror he felt when discovering his fiancee's lifeless body in their bathroom. When I read in the Mail that he had gone missing, I really dreaded the final outcome. But if someone ever needs a good reason to commit suicide, I guess the guilt he felt, along with the searing loss of his lover, would be as good as any. I just REALLY hate the idea of how bloody awful he must have been feeling in the last few weeks. Although I often feel bad, I haven't been hit by tragedy yet (wood being touched) and I am a little bit scared of how Bad bad must feel.

Fearfully grumpy

Sorry for having been gone for so long. I have not been in the greatest frame of mind due to the stress of work (see previous post) and have been doing far too much drowning of my sorrows.
It has got so bad that today I sit here with the flu, a mouth ulcer, a sore throat, cracked lips that are threatening to turn into impetigo and one great big grumpy ass mood.
I guess the fact that Valentine's Day is right around the corner also has me a bit depressed. Although I saw an ad on the telly last night for an Ink Jet printer "to surprise her with for Valentine's Day!". If someone gave me one of those for V Day they would get a punch in the mouth. What's wrong with a red rose? Honestly.
Sorry for the grumps. If anyone has a funny joke or pic, please feel free to forward.

The great waste of time that is Facebook

So, lately I have been battling an addiction. Luckily it is not one that will cause physical harm to my body. It is the latest craze of making friends on the Net that apparently (so say the Bebo nerds) was thought up by the FBI.
That's right, Facebook has been my most favourite way to waste time lately. I probably log on about 10 times a day. I have about 140 friends. I read all their stuff and look at all their photos. I have set up a school group and joined another group, and have done my invite for my housewarming on there.
It has got so bad that I now THINK in Facebook. Last night Basil was having a bath on the bed, and while trying to get a hard to reach spot on his back, he fell off. I laughed, then IMMEDIATELY thought "Amy is laughing at Basil falling off the bed". Or, when I woke up yesterday morning to find he'd pooed in the bath, I thought "Amy is grossing out at having to clean up poo before 7:30am".
Yesterday I tried to face my demons and, after checking in first thing, I said right, no more Facebook until 11am. I tell you it was the longest 2 hours of my life. I was LITERALLY counting down. Of course when I did log on, nothing exciting had happened.
What I'm worried about is when I get broadband installed at home (finally) I will be on the stupid thing 24 hours a day.
Does anyone else have this problem?

Wings clipped

Hi everyone - sorry for v short post but am typing with one hand as my arm is in a sling. will reveal all when i am back up and running. oh the frustration.
next post will include:

• thoughts on the gwen stefani concert i went to!
• descriptions of my 2 new housemates!
• lots of harry potter spoilers (i cried)
• pics of my sexy new haircut!
• lots of ranting about that wonderful topic, bloody boys!

till then, wish me quick healing.

Nom nom nom - I could eat her up.

One for the ladeez - here is a pic of my neice Amelie (right) with her new bestie Maddy.

Is she not the cutest thing imaginable? I just want to squeeeeeeeeeeeze her. Tomorrow is Moving House day, and my sister is dying to help me (I know, she's like Monica from Friends). Amelie snuggles will be on tap all day then, which makes this move even more exciting. I haven't seen her for weeks.

In other news, Date Man came around last night and I cooked him dinner (Thai red chicken curry), which he praised, and then cleared the table. His star chart is filling up fast!

I need a good facial obviously

Whilst out shopping at Noel Leeming's for a DVD player I notice an exceptionally old and frail man enthralled in the highlights of the previous night's All Blacks v Sth Africa test. Not having watched it myself, I enquire as to whether we won or not.
"What?"
"Did we win the game?"
"Hello."
"Did We Win The Game?"
"Oh yes. Yes we did."
"Marvellous," I say and carry on spending the gross national product of Losotho.
Later on he makes his way up to me and says: "We lost the boat race however." I share my pain with him.
A little old lady then makes a beeline for me and says "Are you hitting on my husband?"

On my lunch break I.....

Check out gift shops for cool things for the house. Decide I need to get engaged/married/turn 21 again so that I won't have to pay for everything I like myself.

Watched Dr Phil while having a baked bean toasted sandwich. Dr Phil was telling a guy with a giant ego to Get Over Himself! I think, let him have some self-esteem, what's wrong with that? Contemplate emailing Dr Phil but then come back to my senses.

Get called "Deary" by the Sikh dairy owner while getting my chocolate fix. I find this very cute.

Worry about my current chocolate addiction as I'm normally a entree/main kind of girl as opposed to main/dessert. Has the dreaded sweet tooth caught up with me?

Decide I have had enough of winter and put a warmer jacket on.

Woo hoo!

So walking down lovely Spring Street in Tauranga today on the way to get my lunch, when I crossed paths with a lady who'd obviously landed on hard times, waiting outside the dole office with a ciggie.
"Get your skinny white a$$ out of my f*^&ing way!" says she.
I could have kissed her.