Aruba...Jamaica.....

There is nothing worse than shopping for Summer clothes when you’re well settled in to the Winter groove. My body has got used to hiding itself under wraps, stockings and big poofy jackets. So today when I tried on a cute 60’s style scoop neck, sleeveless dark orange mini dress, the sight of my cottage cheese upper arms and roly-dog knees meant that a 2 second “YUCK!” to the mirror was all I needed to whip it off.

Unfortunately I’m going to have to keep persevering because people, I am going overseas. Now when you live in New Zealand, it’s pretty easy to head overseas. Going to the South island is “overseas” in the literal sense....a 3 hour flight to Melbourne involves the full customs rigmarole. But I am going overseeeeeas....the entire Pacific Ocean to be exact. Then I’m flying over the bottom half of North America. Then it’s over the edge of the Atlantic to.....are you ready.....are you sitting down.....THE BAHAMAS.

My workplace is sending me – and a couple of other staff members – to the Bahamas. I found this out in my second week of work. Other people are jealous. Reason we’re going is for this enormous large world meeting thing that I won’t bore you with. But basically – it’s 5 days in the SUN!

To most people in New Zealand, the Bahamas is this mythical place featured in cheesy 80’s movies where everyone drinks cocktails from coconuts and wears high-cut one-piece togs with sun visors. It’s so difficult to get to – and so similar to the Pacific Islands which are not – that I can count on one hand the people I know that have been there. My parents are among them. They stayed there a couple of years ago at this insanely awesome hotel...called http://www.atlantis.com/. It’s like a textbook resort that has everything you could possibly want...but multiplied by ninety. It’s huge. Imagine my shock when my boss says....you’ll be staying at the Atlantis. There are TWENTY-EIGHT restaurants. One is UNDER WATER. There are STINGRAYS and DOLPHINS and LOTS OF THINGS IN THE SHOPS THAT I CAN’T AFFORD.

Now I know I’ll be chasing people around and finding band-aids and currency converters and phone cards and dealing with men on a working holiday with a skinful of alcohol with no wives to chaperone them – but if I get half an hour – just half an hour on that beach with one coconut cocktail – I’ll be happy. Hell, I’m going to be happy to be somewhere that isn’t cold, wet, rainy and MISERABLE. (It’s actually quite warm and sunny today but I’m building up the juxtaposition).

The best thing about this trip to me is the flight. I can’t stand flying usually – when it’s a one hour trip between Dunedin and Wellington and it’s windy as fuck and the plane is bouncing around and my tepid cup of weak tea in a polystyrene cup that I can take home if I want! is threatening to fall in my lap and my stomach is trying to work its way out of my pores and the person next to me has a fleeting memory of soap and low-fat food. To me, that is my personal hell. On a tangent, Rich and I went to Auckland Museum in the weekend. For some reason, there was a big Perspex box full of cockroaches. I looked at it, shuddering, then commented to some old dude that it was my personal hell, right there in that box. He looked at me, and then laughed. His wife came over, said something in German, then he said to her “She said that is her personal hell,” in German. I think. It sounded cooler in German. Or he said “this girl thinks I’m English.” Anyhoo. This flight to the Bahamas will have all the bells and whistles. I may – just may – get to fly Business Class, thanks to a nifty deal with airpoints, travel agents who like me and the recession, meaning many, many empty seats on planes. Luxuriousness....ah.

One thing I’m not looking forward to is LAX. Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – has a horror story about this place. So am taking a full change of clothes on the plane in case my suitcase does a detour via Timbuktu. (Did you know this is a real place? On the border of the Sahara desert? I only found this out a few years ago. I wonder if people from Timbuktu use Auckland in a similar sense).

Anyhoo I’m off in 8 days. The timetables have changed so much regarding our travel that I’ve been afraid to start packing just in case I jinx it. But it’s too late now....the camera batteries are charging...the MP3 player is stocked (anyone got any new favourite tunes? I have an iTunes mind blank)...the legs are being waxed.

Will be Twittering while I’m away so follow me there – click the link to the right!

Happy Birthday to my little Bunny

Amelie turned 2 on the 22nd of April, and not a day goes by when I don't think of her little face and squeezable little body and smile.

She has taught me the gift of unrequited love and for that, I promise to always buy her gorgeous little polka-dotted cardigans.

Meme-tastic

Antonia meme'd her devoted followers today, so I thought I'd put off doing some work, and meme back. Having done the meme, I've read through it, and it makes me sound like a total grumpy cow. This is entirely correct. I am very cat's-bum today. Work has been seriously full on.
So meme it is - questions and answers. Answers are supposed to be in the form of a song title, but I agree with Antonia, reading detailed personal answers are much more interesting.

1. Are you a male or female: Female. I think I have a lot of testosterone though as I am a grumpy, impatient, decisive person, with no time for shopping in large wittering groups, exclaiming over each other’s purchases.

2. Describe yourself: See above. My mother says I’m sensitive, generous and the life of the party (when she is happy with me). Rude, aggressive, and bullying (when she is not). Friends say I am funny, loyal, generous. Enemies probably say I am a bitch. Rich says I’m crazy but he loves me anyway. Basil thinks I’m God.

3. How do you feel about yourself: In the words of every teacher I ever had “Amy does not work to her full potential.” I always feel like I’m supposed to better than I am, but am too lazy to be so. There’s always tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and you’ve got no friends, no family is talking to you and you’re living alone with 90 cats and bulk buying Lean Cuisines and family packs of icecream.

4. Describe your parents: My father and I parted company when I was 14 due to my parents’ incredibly acrimonious divorce. It’s only as I get older do I realize how much this must have affected me as a person to have to go through. My sister and I weren’t shielded from any of it. Awful. But, Dad is a great pal to have – I get my drinking genes from him AND he let me smoke inside when I was only 15. My friends were very jealous. He loves music, general knowledge and any kind of information that he can bamboozle his buddies with. He works as a Sales Rep for houseware places and his house smells of cheap scented candles and curry. His capacity for forgiveness is incredible.
My mother is tiny, with bright bird-like brown eyes, and short brown hair. She always wears trousers and red shoes. She hasn’t worked for some time, being married to my step father who was very successful after working his ass to the bone for many many years. He got yelled at in the street once for having a flash car. When he came home and told us I was so mad. He worked SO hard, and deserves that car. Grrr. Digressing. Mum loves anything French and to do with food. Our favourite thing to do together is to go to a deli and pick out some fun ingredients to play with for dinner. I can make her scream with laughter, but more often than not, I make her cry. We can be in the same house for about 2 days, but any longer and there’s friction. It’s sad. But we laugh about it. Basically, neither of us like to back down or say sorry. We are very alike.

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriends: They were people I liked the IDEA of. But we didn’t get on.

6. Describe your current boy/girl situation: As comforting as some fluffy slippers, worn out dressing gown, purring cat on the lap and Antiques Roadshow on the telly in front of the fire. My happy place.

7. Describe your current location: Work.

8. Describe where you want to be: Not work. Pottering in my garden at my old house. Cuddling with my new niece in her darkened bedroom, cooing at her softly. Cooking at my parents’ country cottage listening to classical music. Having a glass of wine in a funky bar with my friends.
9. Your best friend(s) is/are: people that make me laugh. That’s all you gotta do to be my friend. Oh, and also have cute babies for me to cuddle, or dogs, or cats. Ask for my opinion lots. Offer me your opinion. Don’t be offended when I don’t agree with you.

10. Your favourite colour is: Depends what we’re talking about. Clothes, it’s red. Paint colours, it’s light blue. Flowers – yellow.

11. You know that: Finding and removing an ingrown hair can make a so-so day into a really good one.

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: I am bad at zippy names. It would probably be a sit com that would run for years and years though, following my first world dramas like what to cook for dinner when the oven is broken, and the season finale cliff hanger – is Basil going to get a younger brother/sister?

13. What is life to you: Something I have to work really hard at. I like this quote: “Each day I rush through so that I can get onto the next” or something. I’m always looking for something better around the corner. As Garth would say to Wayne, “live in the NOW!”

14. What is the best advice you have to give: It’s a bit of a downer actually. “The anticipation is usually better than the event.” Isn’t that sad? Here's a happier one: "What goes down must come up." On my crappiest days this cheers me no end.

So anyhoo. Heading home now - it's still light outside - a miracle. Going to make rack of lamb and watch hours of South Park on Comedy Central with a glass of red wine. Rich is out at football practice (that's soccer for those Yankees out there). Wishing you all a restful and happy night. x